lauantai 2. syyskuuta 2017

7 months in NZ! (in English)

Hey there!

I decided that it was finally about time to make a blog post in English, since I've talked about my experiences with so many people and I know that some of you out there have tried to make sense of my blog posts by using Google Translator with not so great results, so here ya go! ;)

I've been in New Zealand for exactly 7 months now. I can't believe how fast time has gone by... In a way it feels like I would've been here forever; that's how settled in I feel. On the other hand I can still remember my first days here like it was just last week. So many incredible things have happened and I've got to experience things I never even knew to dream of. It's easy to say this has been the best year of my life so far! So let me tell you a little how I feel about it...


This is from a speech I prepared for my English class earlier this week:

Exactly 7 months ago today, on the 1st of February, something that I can now call the adventure of my lifetime, began. I left my family, friends and everything I thought I knew about the world and myself behind. And I thought I knew a lot; I was happy and satisfied with the life I was living and I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted.

Turned out, I was wrong. My life was about to change in a way it could never be the same again. I didn't realise it at the time, but the person who said goodbyes to my friends and family at the airport wasn't going to be the same person to return after a year. They were goodbyes forever.

Going on exchange is the craziest thing I've ever done in my life. To leave your home at a young age to travel to the other side of the world, alone, to a completely foreign country where you know nothing and nobody. To leave behind everything that is safe and sound, and deep-dive into the unknown.



It's not that easy, being an exchange student. A lot of people incorrectly think that going on exchange is like going on a long vacation, skipping a year in school and just travelling and having fun. Well, it's not. It's not a vacation, nor a holiday. It's not always fun and it most definitely isn't easy.

When you go on exchange you suddenly get thrown into a culture that is so very different from the one you had been immersed to for your entire life until then. Everything is different; the language, the food, the people, the manners, the nature... Things that I took as granted back home are things that have never been heard of here and vice versa.

The culture shock was inevitable - I had come to this weird new world as the foreigner and it was my job to adjust to it. Respect it, accept it and learn from it. And there have been many times that have really shattered my comfort zone, times when I've felt frustrated and misunderstood. It's incredibly frustrating when you can't express yourself in the exact way you'd like to, but that sure does teach you patience.




I was lucky because I knew English before I came here. Still there have been numerous times when I've had to keep asking what someone was saying and eventually give up because it got too awkward and then hope it wasn't a question. Even more often I've made my friends and host parents laugh because I've spelled a word incorrectly, and they seem to find it absolutely hilarious. (Give me a break!! In Finnish we pronounce the words just like they are written, so I've never had to try to figure out how to say stuff before. At least I try. I challenge you to try spell Finnish words.)




Small talk is just one of the many things I've had to learn and get used to here. Just earlier this week it was my last time at a gym I've been going to, so I said goodbyes to the staff as is appropriate. The guy wished me all the best in life wherever I'll end up to, and I replied with saying "thanks, have fun!" even though what I wanted to say was "take care". I thought to myself; seriously, am I still not capable of flowing small talk even after all these months. 

Small talk isn't something we do in Finland. Finnish people, stereo-typically speaking, are quiet, shy and unsocial, and avoid any non-necessary communication with other people - especially strangers. I don't cast myself as a very typical Finn, but I still get asked if I'm OK or if something's wrong when I don't say anything for a couple of minutes. Yup, just having a Finnish moment!!




Another thing I get asked often is if I miss home a lot. In the beginning it was easier to answer that because the word "home" instantly brought Finland to my mind. But now, it's different. Home that I have in Finland is 17 000 kilometers away, hence the fact that New Zealand is one of the furthest places you can go from Finland. In the beginning my life in Finland was clearly in my memory, but now the memory has faded. I can't remember what it feels like to be at home, I can't remember how I act around my friends and family. I can't even remember what my dog's fur feels like, or what it feels like to drive on the right side of the road. 



The thing is, that my life is here now. It's a life I've built for myself within the past 7 months. And I can with full honesty say that this is my home now, just as much as my home in Finland is, if not even more. I came here on my own to live with a host family who were just names on a paper sheet before I arrived and in a school community I only knew what their website had told me. For the first time I was put into a situation where I needed to start making decisions for myself; the responsibility of making the most of this experience was on me. And you truly learn a lot of things about yourself when you're forced to stop and think: what do I want to do and who I want to be. 

Before I left Finland, AFS, my exchange organization, held an orientation camp for all of us departing students. They told us that as exchange students it is on us to put in the effort to adjust to the new environment and learn what's culturally appropriate and what's not. That we need to be active in making friends and learning the ways of the house we'll move into. They told us that the Kiwis won't need us but we will need them.




And here I am after 7 months, enjoying my life more than ever, amongst people who this time last year I didn't even know existed. Some people have asked, aren't I frustrated because I need to repeat the studies I miss while I'm abroad and doesn't it bother me that when I go back I'll be a year behind my friends. I ask, how the hell am I so lucky to get to experience everything I have experienced this year. It is mind-blowing to think of all the things I would've missed out on if I had never left.

Going on exchange is the best thing that has ever happened to me. There's a very accurate saying; "exchange isn't a year in a life, it's a life in a year". Going on exchange is like being born again; it changes everything. Your whole view of the world changes and you see everything from a new perspective because of the things you're being exposed to. Being an exchange student has shaped me and my personality in a way no other experience could. It has opened up my eyes about so many things; for example, I've never appreciated Finland as much as I do now. I've learned to appreciate many things about Finland, big and small, because I no longer have access to them here.




But, despite all the differences, I love my life here in New Zealand. I've seen and done stuff I had never even known to dream of, met so many amazing people and made friends with people who were just strangers in the beginning - and now they mean so much to me. Everything I have experienced this year is so overwhelming. From small things like having a good conversation with my host parents or friends to seeing some of the most beautiful landscapes and places I've ever seen in my life. I've learned a lot; about myself and the world we're living in. It's all about realising that there isn't only one "right" way of doing things and that "it's not right, it's not wrong, it's just different". I've also learned to enjoy the small things in life in a completely new way and I've found that there are so many things around me that make me happy.





This has without a doubt been the best year of my life. It's so easy to get drifted away from reality in the moments when life feels endless and the whole world seems to be at my feet. But all of this - the life that I've built for myself here in New Zealand - as real and as true as it feels to me right now, is only temporary. I feel a cold weight on my chest, a lump in my throat and a fist twisting my stomach whenever I think about it; that every passing day and week takes me closer to the day when I get onto an airplane and fly back to Finland. From the very beginning it was clear that time was flying past faster than ever before but at least then I could think that even if another month passed, I still had most of my exchange ahead of me. Now, it's not like that anymore.

Most of my exchange is already behind me and I only have a few more months to go. And I know that time won't slow down; if anything it will only go quicker from now on. And just like that, by stepping onto an airplane, this whole little world of mine will come to an end.




The thing is, that when I said goodbyes to my friends and family I knew I was going to see them again in a year. It was more like "see you again when I come back!" But saying goodbyes here is truly saying goodbyes. Goodbyes to the people - for now, because I have no idea when I'll be able to see them again, and some forever, because it's likely that we'll never meet again. It's goodbyes to the home I have, and the country and culture I have learned to love so much. It all feels so absurd; I'm leaving my home, family and friends only to return to my home, family and friends.

And I'm scared of going back. I wonder if I've changed so much that I won't fit back in. What if I've changed so much that my friends and family won't be able to understand me, or I them. I think everyone will get sick of me already after a couple of weeks because all I'll talk about is New Zealand.




I know that my time in New Zealand will eventually feel like just a distant dream to me as it slowly fades further away in my memory just like my life in Finland has. But I don't want it to. I'm not ready to say goodbye. I'm not ready to let it go.

And luckily, I don't have to just yet. I still have four months to go; four months to make the most of my time here. Four months to spend time and make more memories with my amazing friends, four months to cherish the relationship I have formed with my host parents, four months to embrace the Kiwi culture and to soak up every smell and sensation there is.

And if I manage to do that, to enjoy my time here the fullest until the very end, even though leaving is going to be the most painful thing I've ever gone through, at least then I'll know; that I did it all, I have nothing to regret and a bunch of amazing stories and memories to carry with me for the rest of my life.




So yeah! Those are some feelings and thoughts I have at this stage of my year. This has definitely been a very intense experience but I wouldn't change it for anything. I'm so incredibly thankful to get to experience all of this and everyday something reminds me to think how lucky I truly am.

But hey, thanks for reading this long post ;) if you're an English-speaker reading this it's very likely that you've been a part of my exchange year somehow, so thank you. To all of you Kiwi friends that I have: I don't really have words good enough to describe how much it means to me that you've let me into your lives. I'm so happy to get to spend my exchange year with such amazing people, because after all the people matter more than the place. You make me laugh and smile and I'll never ever forget the moments we've shared together! x


Writing in English was a new experiment to me and it's actually quite funny how it almost feels more natural to write in English than it does to write in Finnish these days. But hey, let me know if you'd like me to write English translations into my upcoming blog posts!! Again, thanks for reading and 'til next time! ;)

- Eve











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